Grateful Blog

An exceedingly wise young man recently shared with me the concept of “five pillars of happiness,” which he described as follows:

1. Gratitude
2. Generosity (i.e. giving back)
3. Companionship (i.e. generically, humans interacting with other humans)
4. Experience (i.e. doing sh*t, not necessarily buying sh*t)
5. Active (I don’t think that’s the actual word the article used, but it’s point was we should do physical stuff. Exercise or get out and just go)

I loved the first four, which made perfect sense to me.

But the last one kind of stuck in my gut and gnawed at my brain. What if you can’t accomplish #5 because of physical limitations that you have little or no control over? Can you be fully happy with just the four pillars, or would you always feel the void of the fifth? For that matter, what effect does a lack of #5 have on the other four pillars?

Over the past couple of years, my body’s decided it’s at war with itself, and the battlefield hasn’t been so pretty. Modern medicine has so far proven pretty effective at slowing the disease (it damn well better, at $20k a year), but I can’t deny the damage already done and the decline most certainly in my future. My body just doesn’t work the way it used to, and I already struggle to do little things that a few years ago I would have thought nothing of. Most of the time I just don’t let it cloud my brain, since there’s only so much I can do about it. I write here, and it helps. (Really, it does. Try it.)

But #5 shoved it to the front of my brain, where it’s been hanging out for a couple of days, going nowhere. Then tonight, I stumbled onto this story about a man with ALS — a struggle that makes my situation look like a walk in the park — who used technology and art to travel the world when he couldn’t physically do it himself anymore. This poem he wrote sums it up for me:

While you worked half a year before taking your next trip,
I sat in my wheelchair.
While you awoke to thoughts of a new place to experience,
I sat in my wheelchair.
While you were pulling out the map to find your next destination,
I sat in my wheelchair.
While you voyaged to a place so different from home and lost your angst of everyday life with the sensation of the new,
I sat in my wheelchair.
While you claimed your luggage,
I sat in my wheelchair.
While you bathed in the sublime of your completed trip,
I sat, each and every day, in my wheelchair.
When I receive your photos of my art on your journey,
I am overjoyed in my wheelchair.

Wow, right?

So, tonight I am grateful for many things.

I’m grateful for how much I can do.

I’m grateful that it seems like every time I’m about to start really feeling sorry for myself, something out there kicks me to remind me how truly lucky I am, and how very little I have to complain about.

I’m grateful for meeting new people who aren’t shy about who they are, esp. when who they are doesn’t totally suck.

I’m grateful for the randomness of life (and the internet) for handing me the answer to my questions about #5.

Today I’m grateful that:

• Despite tons of time basking in the bright hot Texas sun over the past couple of days, I didn’t get a sunburn. This borders on miraculous. Of course, I was wearing 85 SPF. That probably helped.
• We didn’t have any encounters with ghosts in our supposedly haunted hotel. Just an encounter with a smoke alarm with lights that look like ghost eyes!
• We got some more time being completely lazy by the pool and enjoying the ocean views. So glad we decided to extend the wedding trip a few days. We were so in need of some true relaxation!

Today I’m grateful that:

• The medication worked quickly, and I had my first real meal tonight for the first time in more than a week. Haddock with linguine and asparagus may not sound that exciting, but trust me, it was heavenly!
• We have such great neighbors. We ran into our next-door neighbor, Artie, while we were out to dinner, and he not only offered to drive Chad to/from his new job whenever needed, but told us his garage is usually open and that we can help ourselves to his snow-blower if he’s not around, AND said we can have his current snow-blower as soon as he talks his wife into buying a new one. Woo hoo!

Today I’m grateful that:

• I have such a great primary care physician. Shout-out to Dr. Geoffrey Burns at Waltham Family Medicine! He is such a smart, thoughtful, kind doctor, and his attitude spreads to everyone in the office. I’ve never had a remotely bad experience in his office, and that’s saying something, given how much time I’ve spent there in the past four years!
• Dr. Burns identified my illness as food poisoning, not a stomach virus, and gave me medication that will hopefully get me back to feeling normal sometime soon.
• Looking at the positives of feeling like I’ve been knocking on death’s door for a solid week — I’m wearing a size smaller jeans than I was a week ago, and have caught up on almost two full seasons of Smallville! I mean, hey, with most of my body in pain, at least my eyes felt better watching Tom Welling (Sorry, Chad!)

Today I’m grateful that:

• My all-time favorite sports broadcaster, Jerry Remy, returned to the booth for an inning of tonight’s Red Sox game after an absence of several months for health reasons. Remy underwent surgery for lung cancer during the off-season, returned briefly during spring training and at the start of the season, then took a leave of absence for health reasons. Virtually nothing was seen or heard of him for months, and as more time went on, I feared that he was gravely ill.

Tonight he appeared in the booth, looking healthy, and shared that the real reason he took a break was to deal with depression. I found myself strangely relieved to hear that he is physically fine, and also impressed at his honestly about his depression. It’s not a difficult thing to experience or talk about, especially in front of millions of people!

• I’m grateful to hear that he’s improving, and hopes to be back in the booth very soon. I, and Red Sox Nation, are so looking forward to seeing Remdawg on a regular basis, hopefully physically and mentally healthy and happy!

Today I’m grateful that:

• I finally, finally, FINALLY resolved the issue of my obscenely expensive but much-needed drug (no, not crack — that’s not THAT expensive) just in time, with barely a day to spare before I switch to a less generous health plan that I’m paying for out of my own pocket. I’ve now got almost three months to breathe a little easier. Huge sigh of relief.
• The people at Blue Cross Blue Shield are about 1000 times more competent than the f-ups at Tufts. I don’t want to have to pay entirely for my own health insurance, but if I’m going to, it damn sure is going to be to people who have a clue.
• I had a very enjoyable conversation to distract me from the stress and frustration of the above two points.

Today I’m grateful that:

• Chad had a safe and uneventful flight down to Florida for the WeMedia conference.
• I got to experience a true Indian wedding (meaning about 400 Indians, and maybe eight white people) almost 10 years ago, and experienced firsthand the unbelievable music, dancing, clothes, and energy that everyone witnessed at the Oscars last night. Since that day, I have always secretly wished I was Indian.
• We can, for the most part, afford the health insurance that we will have to be paying ourselves in a few days. I mean, it’s an obscene monthly bill for people making money off freelance (which is great but so not the same as a paycheck every two weeks), but I do know that we are so much better off than many people. I cannot imagine how some people handle this, and I still consider ourselves lucky.

Today I’m grateful for:

• All the extremely nice people at my doctor’s office. It gets to be a pain hiking out to Waltham (about a 45-minute trip) for appointments now that I live in Quincy and no longer work in Waltham, but today I was reminded why I bother. I can’t recall a single time in almost three and a half years where I encountered anyone who was anything less than pleasant. The more I think about it, the more remarkable it is. Suppose I should give a shout-out to Waltham Family Medicine, particularly Dr. Burns and Dr. Gaines.
• At least our health insurance is covered until the end of next month. It’s better than nothing, right? And apparently I will be making good use of it.
• I’m sure not all will share the sentiment, but I strongly agree with this op-ed piece about President Obama’s decision to ending the ban on federal funding for international groups that promote or perform abortions. Also, I’m just damn grateful that I get to type the words “President Obama” and it is not a fantasy!

Today I’m grateful that:

• I was able to get in and out of a doctor’s appointment before the snow even started.
• My doctor and his student assistant have a good sense of humor. I find that always helps!
• I can hear again! And not worry too much about getting on a plane tomorrow and having my eardrum explode!

Today I’m grateful that:

• My doctor is smart/considerate enough to ask whether I want to be prescribed the expensive or cheap version of medication for my ear infection. Cheap, please!
• Receiving Christmas cards. It’s nice to receive mail that is not bills!
• My friend Krissy gave birth to a healthy baby boy!